I have been married for 30 years and my husband has been a heavy drinker the last 8 years. He is now a non-functioning drunk. He hides his bottles all around the house and is consumed by alcohol and nothing matters to him. When he hits bottom he has seizures ends up in the ER. Once he is detoxed he comes home and feeling better he hands out “I’m sorry” to everyone he may have talked to when he was drunk. In his mind I’m supposed to accept his I’m sorry or I am looked at as the problem. My husband only stays sober approximately ONE month then he picks a fight with me so he has a reason to drink again.
He stays in his bedroom all the time he is drinking. He does not eat at all. When he can not drive he tries to get someone in the family to go get him more booze. When we all say no he drives himself but the verbal abuse starts because we did not help him. We all worry that he is going to hurt someone or himself. My children and I do not know what to do.
We both live on a fixed income living in our home we bought years ago. After we pay our bills we have very little left over to get us through the month. We both have separate accounts because of his drinking; when he is drinking he does not care about paying bills or heating oil, or anything else. Life has been a really big struggle for the past 7 years. Last winter just before Christmas he left our home and emptied my bank account and rented a motel room. He left me with no food and no oil for heat. I only had 11 dollars and I had our 2 big dogs to feed. I expected a deposit of $500 dollars but he withdrew it before I could get to the bank.
I have no one to turn to. When the money he took ran out he returned home and would not leave. He of course blamed me because there was no food in the house or heat. I’m stuck I do not have enough money to support myself and he knows that so he does what he wants – and that is drink, pass out, wake up and drink some more.
I don’t know how to help him, I spend my days making sure he is still breathing. He falls out of bed a lot so I find it hard to sleep at night. The loud bang I hear at night startles me and I am afraid if I don’t check on him he may need my help. I have called 911 so many times. He has broken his arm had seizures and hit his face on the floor so hard that I could not recognize him.
I am Lost and alone with no one to talk to.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.