Help me please.
I am a 45 year old single mother of three young children. About a year ago I met a wonderful handsome Police Captain man on a popular dating site. We had instant chemistry and immediately took ourselves off of the site. We dated on and off for almost a year. He drinks a LOT. I can’t remember one date that didn’t involve drinking. I enjoy a glass of wine or two and don’t have a problem. But, when I’m with him the main focus of our dates when we don’t have our children, center in his backyard, “grilling dinner”, listening to music and drinking. Usually the process takes HOURS. I ofter find that before I know it I’ve drank an entire bottle of wine. I don’t like that, don’t like the feeling the next day and feel guilty. Note that I don’t do this when we have our children.
He starts with several beers and then switches to whiskey mixed with soda. This happens even when he’s by himself. I can tell because he slurs his words on the phone.
I broke up with him last night because I don’t want to enable him or drink that much for myself. His response was well your having a drink an hour so it’s not a big deal.
He’s my best friend, handsome, sweet to me, never has been mean and I miss him. Please share any advice with me, I’m lonely and miss him. Am I doing the right thing by leaving?
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.