by Shauna
(Prince George, BC, Canada)
I’m an ex-alcoholic. I drank to cover up my social anxiety. Everyone has their own reasons, but that was mine. It became an addiction, but I never thought of it as an addiction because I only did it once in awhile and it was whenever there was a social event. I didn’t think I was an alcoholic because I didn’t do the things that I thought an alcoholic did. I thought an alcoholic was someone who drank to forget their problems, someone who drank by themselves, and someone who drank every day. I didn’t do any of those things so it took me a long time to realize that I had a problem. It got to the point that I had accepted I had a problem, and wanted to try to prove to my boyfriend that I could handle it. So I would start with one drink, feel okay. Go onto another, still feeling okay. Than I would tell my boyfriend I could handle a couple more and I would be fine. This same thing went on last New Years and it ended up back firing. I got so drunk to the point I blacked out. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. My boyfriend took me home and I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to hear what was to come next because I knew I messed up big time.
He told me I couldn’t walk; I was all over the place. I had broken his friend’s coffee table from falling into it. My boyfriend took me home and we started fighting. I didn’t want to be around him at all and tried to get out the front door to leave. He stood in front of the door to stop me and I started hitting him. My boyfriend had to call his mom and step-dad to come over and help him because he could not handle me. They drove over, tried to get me into the car and I fought with them over it. They finally got me in, I was crying, and they had to put the child locks on so that I couldn’t jump out of the car. They took me to emergency and had me lay in a bed until I sobered up some more. The whole time I was in the hospital I kept saying how horrible my boyfriend was and how I didn’t want to see him ever again. I just kept repeating that over and over. I love him with all of my heart and the only thing that would make me think of why I would say that is because I was still having a hard time getting over him cheating on me the 2 years previously. It was a very traumatizing night and the only person I could blame was myself.
I was so ashamed of myself that I was embarrassed to be seen by his mom and step-dad. I hated myself and still do for what I put them and my boyfriend through. To this day I don’t understand why he decided to stay with me. He must really love me for we are now engaged a year later. To this day, I am afraid of repeating what I did that night so I quit drinking. I have gotten to the point now where I can say no to alcohol.
This definitely was not my first bad experience, there were many more that I went through when I still lived with my mom. I look back and wish that I could take it all back, but that is literally impossible. The best advice I can give is to look back on what you did as a learning experience and grow from it. It will only make you stronger. And remember, your actions affect the people around you more than they affect yourself.
That is my story and I hope someone else can benefit from it.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.