Me and my husband have been married for 6 years now. We have 5 children, 2 of them adopted. He is a loving father, and works very hard to provide for his family, but his drinking has put a strain on our relationship.
We rushed into our marriage after our first child
I thought marriage and family was the ultimate goal in life, and I thought that I was in love. I was very young and naive and married someone that had a criminal past for drugs. He was sober when I first met him, but I later found out this was because of probation, as soon as probation ended the drinking begin.
It started out fun, and social but changed over very little time
We drink wine together and laughed, it was fun, I had a good time with him. Than he started being possessive and controlling, and also started pushing me around. He got so bad I had left him and thought that was it – I’m never going back to that.
Why would I go back to him?
Because, he would call me and tell me changes were going to be made, he would start attending AA meetings and quit cold turkey. That I was his life, and he can’t live without me or the children.
The vicious cycle
He would keep his word and go to AA and quit drinking for all about 2 weeks. Then he would come home with a tall boy and promise me that this was going to be an occasional thing. Then the next day it would be 2, then the next day a six pack and everything spirals out of control until he finishes a huge case of beer and sends me to the store for the liqueur. I don’t do this willingly, I listen to how I’m a horrible wife and take the abuse till I’m so frustrated with him all I want to do is get away from him, and shut him up, so I cave and I buy him his poison.
I’m embarrassing myself
When I leave I go to my mothers, I tell her all the horrible details, all the horrible words. I tell her this is the last time. But I return to him, with feelings of shame and guilt.
Its never going to get better
He has abused me physically and emotionally. He has attempted to cheat on me. He has gone to work drunk. He goes to bed early. He barely helps with the children. He’s out of town working a lot. I’m not allowed to have friends and he isolates me from my family. He never listens to me. He spends all the money.
I feel trapped
I have told him I want a divorce, but he has me in a position where I don’t have any money of my own. Both cars are in his name. He has told me he will get the kids from me, and I have absolutely no way to support anybody. I’m scared.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.